Word of Warning
Dear reader,
Contained within these pages are the ramblings of a man who loves hard and fast, and all the difficulties that come with it. When I say “love,” I do not mean purely that of the romantic variety. I’ve always had a big heart that breaks easily, whether it is for romantic partners, friends, family, or complete strangers. Everyone is worthy of love, and it turns out I have a great deal of it to give. It’s a double edged sword. Not all people are eager to receive that love, and it can be overbearing and off-putting to most. I can’t help it. It’s just who I am.
But this isn’t just a book of love poems. No, this is a book of heartbreak, the struggles of living with mental illness, self-reflection, and general life philosophies. Maybe you’ll be able to relate on some level. That’s what brings us all together in this world, isn’t it? The ability to relate to one another, to connect on some kind of level, is what makes this world such a wonderful place. It is my sincerest hope that you enjoy this. That said, I must warn you that there are some dark crevices that we’ll wander into toward the end. If you are not in the mental space to deal with that, I must request that you close this book and put it away until you’re in a better place. Whatever your decision, thank you for giving this a chance.
With love,
T. E. Woodard
Dedication
In a time when I felt most alone
Unable to find a place to call home
Ever belonging to the interstitial
Too comfortable among the artificial
Crying out into the void in desperation
Perhaps divulging too much information
There was a ping to my inbox, a friendly hello
A warm welcome that made my heart glow
Invitation was sent, which I accepted
That ended up far better than expected
Became a part of a wonderful group
Breaking me out of this perpetual loop
Ever since, they’ve been there, no matter the need
I must admit, I’ve taken up a lot of their feed
Never once did they make me feel unseen
And they actually like me, from what I can glean
In a time when I was at my lowest, there they were
Certainly companions of the highest caliber
Nothing can compare to the friends I’ve found
Among the legendary group, the Sanctuary of Sound
Heart on my Sleeve
There are consequences to wearing one’s heart on their sleeve
In a world that seems content to attack at all opportunities
Everything clings to it, especially bittersweet memories
Lost friends, missed lovers, family turned into enemies
Guilt of trying, guilt of not, scars carved out of obscenities
Verbal lashings emblazoned upon it for all to see
In the throes of its agony, watch how that heart seizes
Then returns back to humming rhythmic melodies
Preparing itself again to endure life’s inevitabilities
Despite the lessons written in blood upon the floor
It accepts whatever life happens to have in store
To live openly, without a need to settle a score
Or existing with intent of only seeking more
Over time, it does tend to become sore
But inviting nonetheless, come in, take a tour
Because that’s who I am, the person at my core
No matter how much blood from it that’s been poured
I’ll wear my heart on my sleeve, and I’ll help you with yours
Nightmares of Love
Parasitic beasts bursting from the womb
Forever hungering, never sated
Undeterred from bodily harm or threat of death
Protect them with your life
Don’t take your eyes off of them
Not even for a second
Lest they destroy everything you hold dear
Including themselves
And in the darkness when you hear them
Shuffling about
A crash in the next room
Screaming, crying, shouting
You love them, you love them
They’re worth it, they’re worth it
Cradle them closely, dry their eyes
Reassure them that it’s losing them you fear
Best Friend
I hear him sometimes
In distant memories
Like the Halloween party
Where I ejected that homemade wine
Or when we’d crowd around
The TV screen, playing games
In quadrants we could barely see
Nights by the fire
Talking until the sunrise
We’d part our ways
And do it again the next day
Long walks and bike rides
Between our houses
And drinking from that musty canteen
With our limited freedoms
We were inseparable
No matter how far the distance became
Now more free than ever
We can barely afford to stop
To bid a happy holiday
Yet it’s not with sadness
I recall these memories
But with fondness
For the person
You helped me become
Who I will always be
You’d tell me not to smoke
While taking a drag
Tell me the harsh truths
Learned through experience
Introduced me to some
Of my favorite things
And always gave me
Solid advice
You’ll always be my best friend
A brother ‘til the end of time
Drowning
Sometimes, when someone is drowning
The last thing they want is to be thrown a lifeline
Survival means existence for another harrowing day
When succumbing to the water filling their lungs
Would mean no longer having to worry
Or have to fight tooth and nail
Just to be alive
When a friend, a loved one,
Is submerged beneath the waves
Rather than stand on a shore
Composed of puppies and rainbows
Telling them that life will surely get better
Submerge yourself in those same depths
Become one with their sorrows
Show them that you’re willing
To be with them through it all
Through good times and bad
Especially the bad
Longing Connection
To make friends
Like when we were kids…
You look lonely,
Sit with me
Tell me your hopes
Your Dreams
About your other friends
And what songs they sing
Ah, but kids are simple
We’re adults now,
You and me
Compromised hopes and dreams
With musings of a family
And a life that robbed you
Of your will to be
Abandoned, no more will to sing
And in our interactions,
I beg and I plead
For a simpler time
Where you could sit with me
And tell me of your passions
With the vigor of a fighter
We could share in our laughter
Songs sung, shared between two beings
Dust to Dust
Not too much
Just grab a pinch
To stretch out what’s left
As naught but a few grains
Now remain
In a shoddy pile
Where once stood a man
Reduced to a few pieces
With an entire world left
That he still longs to please
🙂
I guess I’ll give this writing thing a go
How tough could it be?
Surely, it won’t be so
Mentally, emotionally, and
Somehow physically taxing
That I go into a downward spiral
Regarding my self worth
And place in the universe
Certainly, people will be nice and
Accepting of what I make
Once I’ve done it long enough,
I bet I’ll even feel like I belong
Right there among the greats.
Yeah, this won’t be traumatizing
In the slightest.
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Welcome to the abyss 